I haven’t written in awhile, today just seems like a day that I should write though. I’m not really sure what is possessing me to decide that after months of hiatus today is the day I should write something but it is. My life has been crazy the past little while, and sure it drives me insane a lot of the time and has been the cause of many tears lately but I kind of have accepted my life to be this beautiful madness. This constantly running around, living off of coffee, still having a smile on my face kind of life. I have seven more months of my undergrad left. Seven more months until I leave school and forget the only thing I’ve known in my life. I’m terrified, and at the same time relieved. I don’t know how much longer I can live my life giving this much on a daily basis.
As of October 18th, I still don’t have a placement for the winter semester. I’ve applied to a couple, with crossed fingers and high hopes. I haven’t received a “yes we take placements” or “your resume looks great yet” but I’m just taking it as a sign that maybe placement isn’t something that I should be doing with everything else on my plate. Would I be able to give to my school community to the same degree I am now if I had a placement? My parents have been nothing short of amazing with the whole “finding a placement around home” thing. They’ve agreed to pick me up from school and take me home and lend me a car to get anywhere I can to get experience in my field. I want the real life experience, but really if I don’t get it this year it’s not the end of the world. Some things I’m learning I need to take a deep breath and let go of.
I’m starting to realize that life doesn’t end after university it’s just beginning. I think it’s been a hard lesson to learn though. With the discussions of grad school amongst my peers and me wanting to cry that I’ll never have the grades or money to go. I regret not taking any research positions while I was at school, but my university experience has been great. I have had so many contributions on campus that I feel like a lot of people don’t get to experience. Hell, I’m a president of a club. Five years ago if you told me I’d be in my final year of university doing all that I do I would of called you a liar. I’m happy things have turned out the way they have.
The only thing I’m regretting is not having more time for friends and family this year. I know I’ve been the worst friend possible to a lot of you, but I promise I’m always here when you need me. I’m curious how many of you will have gotten sick of me by the time this is all over.
Anyways, I should really get back to some homework. I’d like to update this more, and promise you all it’ll happen but it may happen it may not. We’ll just have to see how my schedule plays out.