It hurts.

Y’know, it took almost no thought for me to let you back into my life.  There were many people warning me to keep my guards up and don’t let you get to close to me because of how things have been in the past.  But when you came back into my life after 2 years of being AWOL I figured nothing had really changed besides a few more piercings on my side and a couple of tattoos on you.  It made me smile, it was almost a form of comfort to have a little bit of home away from it.

But at the same time, I shouldn’t of been so stupid. You made me cry on my birthday.  You tried to make it better with a kiss but it just made it worse.  It made me feel like this would eventually, perhaps go somewhere.  We had a night of movie watching and cuddling and then a night of lazing around.  It was nice to have back what was my best friend and it was great to finally see both of us smiling again.

The thing about nothing changing is the bad part of the person is still the same.  You earned nicknames from my friends that I told them “oh he’s not like that anymore” but I realize that I lied to them.  That’s even worse than all the lies you said to me.  And y’know, I didn’t ask for you to lay your heart on the line and give me a definite yes/no commitment all I asked when you said “you can’t do it” was for you to still be my friend.  You’ve pretty much cut off contact with me.  It’s like  how it was 2 years ago again.

If there’s a lesson to be learned from this it’s not to give people the trust you think they deserve.  Judge by their actions and not what they say.  Don’t be fucking stupid.


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