Archive | May 2011

Summer heat

I think the worse part of summer is the fact that I overheat way too easily and while I wish I could find a pool that I could just  jump into I’m not going to be that lucky.  I have HUGE issues with the way my legs look but this summer I took the initiative to buy some shorts.  It’s literally been about four year since I have worn a pair and as I sit here typing this I’m even debating heading back to getting changed into capris.  Today is suppose to feel like FORTY degrees Celsius ( for those of you who work in Fahrenheit that’s about 104) so I think it’s safe to say that it would be absolutely RIDICULOUS for me to not stay cool in anyway that I could.

A great part of summer is McDonald’s dollar drink days which basically means that nobody has an excuse for not staying hydrated.  While pop may not be your best choice for doing this a lot of the McDonald’s have a water option on their fountain drink machines.  I’m trying to stay away from pop as much as possible as it’s completely empty calories but it is one of my true weaknesses!  I’m trying to get on a kick of drinking as much water as possible but I am a complete and total water snob in that I will not drink reverse osmosis water and am completely biased to spring water.  Hopefully when I’m home next I put my reusable water bottle in my purse so I never have an excuse for not having water on me!

Everyone try and stay cool today – lather on that sunscreen put on those shades!

Best part of best friends:

  • Being able to sit in silence comfortably
  • Ignoring the calories of every food item you eat together
  • Having sleepovers that consist of Disney Movie marathons
  • Being able to talk about anything with out any awkwardness
  • Reminiscing about anything and everything

One month!

One month seems to be the hot topic of my life today!  For one thing, I begin my job in exactly one month today and for another thing my niece turns one month on Monday.

Time seriously flies so fast with babies – she is one inch longer and one pound heavier in a month and she’s only going to keep growing.  She’s becoming more alert, and more squirmish, and more adorable.  If you ever need your life brightened up you need to look at a baby and see how amazing life is and see how easy things really are.  Babies make everything exciting (no seriously- you get excited over poops, and farts, and burps, and sneezes).  I can’t even imagine when she starts smiling and laughing and such, all I know is I’m so happy I’m part of this journey.

And I’m seriously excited to be starting a new job!  I went out yesterday with my boyfriend to go shopping for clothes for work at the summer camp.  I managed to buy all my bottoms (3 shorts and 3 capris) for $98 as well as qualified for free renewal on my membership card which gives me 10% off every time I go to the store.  When I get deals like this I seriously feel like I’m part of extreme couponing.  I also got my first pairs of running shoes since about grade 9. Luckily my boyfriend still works at a sports store (as well as his full time job) and I was able to get the shoes at cost and therefore spent pretty much half price on them.  These shoes are like wearing socks; they’re so light and they’re so comfy!  Plus the one pair comes with nike plus which I’m trying to learn mroe about as I know that my ipod is equipped for it.

For the actual job part I’m a little bit nervous to start my job because I don’t know who I am working with in either part of my job.  I have a unique position at this camp where I am working in the office during the day and as a counsellor during the night.  This has it’s advantages because I love working with kids and I won’t have to pay for gas money to commute from my town to the camp (which is about 40 minutes away).  I also am really good at doing office administration work and I’m excited to see if it’s something I could keep doing until I find out what I really want to do with my life.

And SPEAKING of what to do with my life I’ve been researching different grad schools and what I want to do.  I had my heart set on going to college for a diploma in Human Resource Management and I am researching different schools to do this with.  I am still completing my degree in psychology and I hope it can effectively apply to the diploma aspect too.  I hope that I will EVENTUALLY be working in something in regards to mental health.   I know careers are long pathways and I’m just trying to get a rough idea of what I want but I also need to consider how much money I’m going to make considering I know I’m pretty much in debt infinitely.

Otherwise, I’m currently getting ready to participate in two different conferences so I’m off to figure out my outfits!  Thank you to everyone who’s reading my blog – I saw the stats today and it’s nice knowing I’m writing to more than just my best friend 🙂

Confession.

Its crazy to me how paranoid I can get. It’s actually to a point now that it’s seriously effecting my life and I’m tired of keeping that inside of me. I first noticed this paranoia when I was in grade 6 and it’s been on and off since then but lately it seems to be constantly on and never off.

I really started to notice it the last month of school where I had this paranoia of being mugged. While my school is in a high crime area I literally have a parking lot to walk across to get to my room. When I would leave the doors of my school I would make sure to not step outside before looking to my left. Later on in the month I realized if I was a robber I would hide on the right hand side so when the door opened the person couldn’t see me.

It was even bad when I was in my residence. I was super scared to use the washroom when it was dark out because I thought that there would be someone in the shower ready to grab me and rape me as I was leaving. It got to a point I would run out of the bathroom after I quickly washed my hands. If my boyfriend wasn’t in my room I would be super anxious to get inside my room because there was never activity in my hallway I was scared someone was going to force me into my room and rape me.

I thought this was all just because I was living in the city but I’ve been proven wrong by that. When my friend told me and my boyfriend we could stay the night at her place while she was in the hospital with her newborn I was too scared to take the first steps into the house, stand alone in the garage, or be on a different floor then my boyfriend. He even said to me once “you’re not going to shower unless I’m up there are you”. I knew in the deepest part of my mind that nobody was up there but I was still so scared.

It’s even at a point now I’m like this at home. Before I use are bathroom I make sure the backdoor is locked and turn on the back porch light if it’s dark out to make sure nobody is there. When I leave the bathroom I look both ways to make sure no one is hiding and when I walk back to my bedroom I’m even checking my front room from where I am to make sure no one is hiding. If it’s day time and the doorbell rings I’m too scared to answer most of the time but if I am answering it it’s because someone else is home but j can still feel my heart racing and my stomach in my throat.

Now I know some people are going to read this and think I’m being silly and I won’t be surprised if people think I’m lying or being ridiculous. I wish I could control this but simply put the fear pretty much takes over me and I feel like I don’t have control. It’s embarrassing how I behave and I’m too scared to tell people because even though I’ve study psych for two years I have no idea what’s up with me.

So if you read this and have any advice on how to deal with this or have been in the same situation please help me out. It took everything in me to write this and I don’t know if it’s answers I’m looking for or just a way to finally let it all out so I can feel like I can stop lying to myself and admit this isn’t normal behaviour.

Feelin’ like a hoarder

Since the beginning of May I have been living at home and will continue to do so until the last week of June when I leave for camp – it’s been an experience I guess you could say.  When I was moving stuff home I found out are basement had flooded (yet again, my house is built under a natural spring so it happens quite a few times a year) and there was no room for my stuff.  I have since been living like a hoarder out of my room and for someone who’s room is usually a little bit messy this has even been too much for me!  Thankfully, my dad has helped out and moved some stuff in our basement around to have storage space for my stuff but I have come to the realization that I have too much stuff and have decided I’m going to get rid of some of it including (but not limited to):

a) Old Projects – I tend to keep ALL my old papers but I have now decided to keep only ONE paper from each prof that I have in case I have them again.  It’s a good idea to keep those feedbacks so you have a better idea of how the teacher likes papers to be written so that you can continue to improve your grades.

b) Old Notebooks – I have TONS of notes from classes I never plan on taking again and many of the pages have been covered in doodles.  I have kept the books that are foundations for a lot of my classes (example: introductory psychology)  in case I ever need a straight forward explanation of something.

c) Clothes that don’t fit anymore – I HAVE gained weight since leaving for school and having these clothes in my room just depresses me more and therefore I have donated the clothes that don’t fit me for a bit of extra money at a local thrift store.  I have ALSO made the decision to sort them by season in order to ensure that I have a higher chance of getting a profit.  I have no summer clothes currently so I plan on going shopping for some before I leave for camp that will fit me better and make me feel more comfortable with my body.

I’ve also sorted things in my room that are “DORM ONLY” and “DORM AND HOME” this way when it’s time to pack to move again I’m not in a total chaos state.  I have put my extra blank and lined paper, pens, pencils, inks and other school supplies all into a box so that it will be quick and ready to go when the beginning of September comes.

All in all this whole moving home process has been chaos and I hope by the end of the week *fingers crossed* I have everything done!

Miss Evie


Photo Creds go to Auntie Winter 🙂

Do you know what this is?  Simply the greatest, most perfect, beautiful thing that has ever graced my life.  She’s barely a week old but I already have learned so much from her…like what Down Syndrome really is like. Did you know over 90% of those who are found to have down syndrome in the womb are aborted?  While I am all for pro choice I don’t believe you should abort a baby just because they have a developmental disability.  There’s no way of telling right now how quickly or how slow Everleigh is going to develop, but I do know this.
The first time she sits on her own will be celebrated just the same as every other baby’s.
The first time she crawls she will have a large amount of family waiting to see the video.
The first time she walks everyone will want to hear the story.
The first word she says will have her mother screaming “She just said ____”.
In case you’ve missed the memo.
She will be loved like any other friggin’ kid out there.

All I see is a future for her…I don’t see her as limited.  I see her as everything I ever imagined in a niece, I see her as my life.  Her momma was no doubt chosen for her, I can’t imagine anyone else .  Amanda has the biggest heart out of anyone I know and I haven’t seen her look at Everleigh any differently since the diagnosis.  She still gets her hugs and kisses overload and her warning about pooping on her momma and the laughs from her farts.  She is just like any other baby to her.

As long as she’s living her baby she’ll be ♥

And I will love my niece no matter what forever and ever and ever.

The Adventures of Everleigh!

Well, as of 2:06 AM on April 30th the world has been lucky enough to have the beautiful 5 pounds 11 ounces and 18 centimeters of Everleigh Ashley-Louise Gilbert to love.  She is such a beautiful little baby girl!  She does the weirdest things that just make me laugh like making her pouty faces or licking the air.  She slept so much at first but slowly she’s becoming more and more alert.   Holding her is my new favourite hobby because in those moments you realize how big of an influence every little thing you do is going to have on that girl.      

     She’s got brown hair that likes to stick up and the prettiest eyes I’ve ever seen.  She doesn’t have nails – she has claws the kid needs to wear her Pooh bear paw mittens to keep from scratching her face.  She has ticklish feet that make her squirm and when she’s wrapped up in the blanket she looks like a glow worm baby!  She doesn’t fit into her newborn clothes but I think of it as more time to wear all the clothes everyone got to spoil the little princess.  I feel so lucky to be one of the few people who have met this amazing kid!  

   And Amanda is the most AMAZING mom ever.  I never knew so much about child birth until I actually got to be part of yours.  As frustrating as breastfeeding has been you haven’t given up and have always done what’s best for Ev.  It’s so cute watching you hold her because it’s like someone handed you the world.  I lovelovelove spending time with you and her!

 And Winter! You’re so natural holding a baby!  I think you should save me hours upon hours of labour and give Everleigh a cousin 😉 haha I kid!  You’re seriously so precious holding her with your “you can puke on me” and “her bubble wrap farts”.  It’s going to be such an adventure corrupting   influencing this girl!

Overall, this week is going to rock.  I’ve never been so sleep deprived and I’ve never minded much, as tired as I am when you coo it makes up for it all 😉