Growing up

I hate the moments when I realize I’m growing up way too fast for my own good.  I don’t have a life a normal 19 year old in residence has and I have no desire to have it.  Going out and partying isn’t my scene, I’d rather lay in bed watching a movie or read a book or do my homework even.  I don’t have any desire to have the feeling of being drunk because not only do I hate having a hangover the next day I absolutely despise the fact that I end up being an emotional wreck and just cry over everything that doesn’t seem fair in my life.  I’ve recently noticed myself getting invites for luncheons, meeting with guests speakers, going for interviews with campus web reporters, and other people RELYING on me for information and planning of events.

I’m trying my hardest to remind myself daily that despite the responsibilities I’ve recently gained I’m still nothing more than a teenager girl.  Some red hair dye here and a piercing there (specifically the snug…Google it) tends to do the trick right now.   Some days its a matter of whipping out my DS and playing pokemon, and other times it’s a matter of watching an extremely girlie TV show and getting emotional over every little thing (Gilmore Girls season 5 seems to be the best fit for this currently).   But sometimes it’s hard to remember.  My best friend is currently working a 40 hour work week for co-op, my boyfriend starts his internship at a major sports broadcasting company tomorrow, and my other best friend is having a baby in May.   Sometimes I feel like I need to catch up to these people and in no way am I saying my 19 year old self can handle a child, but maybe I’m sometimes too immature for my own good?

There are things that make me an adult – I pay my own bills, I drag my own ass to my university classes, I live in residence and keep my room in DECENT shape (okay it’s been 2 days but STILL), I fight my own battles, and I have a job.

On the contrary though there are things that make me a teenager – I have stupid fights with my parents, I hate doing chores, someone makes my meals (if you want to call them that it IS residence), I rely on my mom for help more than I like to admit, and I do things without always thinking.

I’m constantly stuck in this debate with myself – am I growing up too fast or not fast enough?  Is there really a timeline for expecting to me to grow up like developmental psych has taught me?    Needless to say I’m confused as hell, and I think it’s going to be a mystery I’m going to have to deal with for years to come.


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