Archive | December 2010

Oh boy

I absolutely love the fact that you’re not just my boyfriend.  I love the fact that we hang out with my friends and that you get along with my best friend.  I love that my parents adore you and my dad won’t stop gloating about the fact that you got him Tim Horton’s so you’re an alright guy.  I’ve never had a boyfriend who was so integrated into my life, it’s always seemed like a boyfriend was a side thing but I like this change.  It makes my life a lot easier, and I never have to choose who I want to see.  I think it’s amazing that we’re both so busy over this Christmas break but you’ve driven up to Orangeville twice now to see me.  I think it’s sweet you’re willing to go to an ugly sweater party with me and even sweeter that you’re okay with meeting all the crazy people in my Orangeville life.

I don’t know how I managed to get so lucky this time around.  I guess it’s true that the best things in life are worth waiting for, and I’m really happy I took a year off to just be single and figure myself out a little more and figure out what I wanted in life.  I feel like I grew as a person and from that I can give to you a better version of me that had seemed to be non existent in the past.  Of course at times I’m frustrating and I’m sure I’ve pissed you off more then a couple times but I’d rather it be that way then live in the illusion that we’re Barbie and Ken and nothing in the world can possibly change that.  I like the fact we fight, and the fact we call each other stupid nicknames and that you mock how I whine when I’m not sure what to do.

I like thinking back to the first time we really spent anytime together and how I was trying not to go under the freezing cold dripping mushroom but you shoved me into it.  I couldn’t even be mad at a face as cute as yours despite how FROZEN I was (and for anyone who knows me the only thing worse then being too hot to me is being frozen).  If it wasn’t for all the incoming students around I probably would of started beating you then ;).  I’ve never been with someone I could joke around with this much and it’s such a positive AMAZING change.  I don’t feel like I need to have two different roles as a girlfriend and friend and instead with you they combine together.

And yet despite all the joking I can think of some of the sweetest things that have ever happened.  The day after our first date you told me to turn my radio station and Just the way you are was on.  I think I melted faster then a Popsicle on the first of July and it made it that much easier for me to say yes to being a couple on the second date.

 

I think it’d be an understatement to say it but you’re amazing. Thanks for being the best boyfriend around ♥

 

“You’ll be the prince
and I’ll be the princess
It’s a love story
Baby just say yes

I wish this necklace didn’t break as I’d probably be wearing it right now. I haven’t felt this much like a princess in forever.

You spoil me crazy boy.

And I wouldn’t trade you for all the tea in England ♥

Jack’s Mannequin

Lately it seems that I’ve been on this obsession with Jack’s Mannequin. Honestly, I don’t know how anyone could dislike this band mainly because every time I listen to their music I know it hits my heart like no tomorrow. One night amongst the studying I decided to put on Dear Jack, the documentary of Andrew Mcmahon’s struggle with cancer and when he played his 100 day concert (after his transplant) my heart was overflowing and I began to cry. I don’t think I had ever been happy for a celebrity in my life. Andrew’s not necessarily a celebrity I guess as many people probably couldn’t pick him out of a crowd but I’m sure EVERYONE has heard one of his songs at some point (what girl hasn’t rocked out to Punk Rock Princess by Something Corporate in their room alone before?).

And everyone may call this a phase and perhaps it is but when things hate me hard they REALLY hit me.  I listen to Swim and I can’t help but flashback to the documentary and all of Andrew’s struggles and feel inspired to conquer every minor problem I have from passing exams to finding a new job.  Every time I listen to him sing about Kelly my heart fills up imagining how she realized how important it was for her to be with him through his hard times (Even though they weren’t together at the time…if you want to figure out more about that watch the documentary).

Anyways I’m done gushing and making myself sound like I’m stoned out of my mind writing (I’m actually not, I’m in fact sitting in my living room sipping tea while watching youtube videos).

 

hammers and strings

But I miss you like hell
I still hear you in this old piano, yeah.
She says “Andy I know that we don’t talk as much
But I still hear your ghost in these old punk rock clubs
C’mon write me a song gimme something to trust
Just promise you won’t let it be just the keys that you touch”

Gimme something to believe in
A breath from the breathing
So write it down I don’t think I’ll close my eyes
‘Cause lately I’m not dreaming
So what’s the point in sleeping
It’s just that at night I’ve got nowhere to hide
So I’ll write you a lullaby

Apology – Shane Koyczan.

I’m sorry.
I’m sorry that I keep saying that I’m sorry,
I know it’s strange.
Strange in a George W. Bush hasn’t been assassinated yet kind of way.
But I say I’m sorry for stupid shit
And trivial things.
And she sings the sweet logic that apologies should grow like trees,
Only able to bear fruit of its root is planted in the soil of genuine sincerity.
But I somehow manage to parity each apology by speaking it before I act,
And the fact is, I’m not really sorry that I completely dig Degrassi,
Because it was Yick and Arthur who got me through wet dreams and puberty.

Lady, I don’t expect you to understand the reference,
But i’ve been into this shit ever since the casting director said,
“Fuck physicality, give me som reality.
Give me kids that can’t act and are ugly,
They’ll teach the world about beauty.”
Lady, I can relate to this,
Because before I met you I used to want to lock myself into a vault just to feel precious.
But now with every kiss, hello and goodbye, I feel a self worth no banker can tally.
And my heart is a protest that I let rally against my ribs,
‘Cause I want to build my bones into cribs and lay my reluctance to rest.
Test what it would be like to live phonetically,
To hold you unapologetically,
To plant a giving tree on my front lawn so that when you’re gone, it can give you back to me

And I’m sorry,
That when you sleep next to me that you’re forced to listen to the symphony of the unplugged nostril.
And I’m sorry that one time, for some reason, I called you “Ma’am”,
That’s fucked up.
Fucked up in a “I just bought a pair of speedos so i can go swimming with you” kind of way.
And crazier than that is the fact that I’ll play at being brave,
Because doubt is about as useful as a fire escape when you’re trying to doge a tidal wave.
When you got no time to save anybody but yourself,
You better believe that you’re worth it.
And you are the time it takes to take the time to get to know you.

We’ve managed to muddle through the awkward stage of
“I like you and do you like me”, but when we both said yes
Life became a multiple choice test.
Not knowing anything we became each other’s best guess.
And holding your hand is less like exploration and more like discovery.
Lady, I don’t have to study you to be sure,
You’re the choice I made before I knew what the other choices were.

And like the best idea I’ll ever have, I want you to occur to me daily.
And I’m sorry, but I want to kiss you every time you have something incredible to say,
But you’re beautiful, beautiful in a you kind of way.
You’re like the long lost vinyl of Louis Armstrong,
And I want to play you until it, until it, until it,
I want to pl-, pl-, play you until it, until it ski-, until it ski-,
I want to play you until it skips.
I want to tell you a secret and I want you to listen with your lips.
I want my hands on your hips like they were their final resting place
And then put that funeral onto paper so you can trace their life time back to the fact
That I’m more inclined to find a place in your heart to haunt for as long as you want me too.
Lady, I’ll rattle chains up and down the halls of you.

And this isn’t the greatest romance the world has ever seen,
Let’s face it, we’ve been making out to songs about break-up and heart ache.
But I’ve come to realize that romance should be less like a flower and more like an earthquake,
And I’m not saying that I want to shake cities to the ground,
I’m not saying that I want the rubble that remains to become a lost and found
That we find the kind of tolerance to rebuild in the face of tragedy,
‘Cause I’m tired of living in a world that says people only come together when faced with catastrophe.

I want you to want me to be the me that you see when I’m free to be the me that got you next to me,
And as for romance, well, I want that too.
I want to fall asleep next to you one hundred times a night so I can know you one hundred times better before we hit the day light,
And in spite of all of this, I also want amnesia
So that I can relive each kiss with a perfect newness that leaves me smashed in the arms of rapture.
I want the sky to fracture under the impossible weight of an apology
‘Cause I’m sorry, I’m sorry that I want so much.
I’m sorry that I’ve been using “I’m sorry” as a crutch to lean on for so long,
But if you sing me that song of sweet logic again,
Then I promise to make the effort to stand on my own.

There’s a reason that our hearts are more like a muscle and less like a bone.
I’ve known so many people who’ve grown up flexing it in front of a mirror
As if falling for their own reflection would be adequate,
And that’s bullshit, because we only get from now until the time we go,
And if they’ve only got time to love themselves then no one’s going to be around to heard the sound of their heartbeat echo.
So lady, don’t expect an apology when I tell you, I’m only held together by a heart that pumps glue
It’s the strongest muscle in my body, and I’m flexing it for you.

Home Sweet Home <3

I’m finally home for my Christmas break, which I’ve just been DYING for.  It sucked to come home to see my Durden dead but my mood was quickly improved by an afternoon out with the best friend after a long bubble bath.  We went to the Native where I got my rook changed and then headed over to Mochaberry for some DELICIOUS drinks and Christmas treats.  I love being home and being able to do these things because it reminds me of how much freedom I have in a small town.  Everything is within a walking distance of each other, you don’t need a bus to go downtown, and most of your friends have the freedom to drive wherever need be.  Tonight I’ll be going to Christmas in the park with my friend Emma.  Sure it’s a lame event in my town but it’s an event none the less and a chance to go out.   We’re not really sure what we’ll do afterwards but that’s the joy of Christmas break – the free time seems endless.

 

Well my mom made me a special ‘welcome home’ dinner of shephard’s pie so I’m going to head on over to the dinner table.  I miss having real food cooked for me. I never realized how spoiled I was until I moved away for school.

Simple things can be so inspiring to me

I wake up to find it’s another
Four aspirin morning, and I dive in

I put on the same clothes I wore yesterday.
When did society decide that we had to change
And wash a tee shirt after every individual use?
If it’s not dirty, I’m gonna wear it.
I take the stairs to the car
And there’s fog on the windows.
(And I’m Fighting the words…)
I need caffeine in my blood stream,
I take caffeine in the blood stream.
I grip the wheel and all at once I realize:
(And you’re getting away…)
My life has become a  boring pop song
And everyone’s singing along.